Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
