Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
