I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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