he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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