is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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