dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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