Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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