Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
