well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
