Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
