is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
