Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
