i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
