I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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