I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
