I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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