So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
