i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
