Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
