I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
