Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
