i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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