He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
