Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
