Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
