she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
