i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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