...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
