im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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