I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
