At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
