my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
