I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
