Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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