I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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