A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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