I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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