My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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