cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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