I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
