dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
