Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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