Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
