If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
