my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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