The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
