I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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