The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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