he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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