she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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