I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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